Ed Koch ( Mr Mayor) taught me how to shave

Ed Koch taught me how to shave

 

My girl friend would pat my face after a long embrace and whisper erotic words and sounds. She was absolutely infatuated by my shaven face. ”Oh God, Jack” she would moan, “ how do you get your face so soft and close shaven? How?”

One afternoon she had 7 girl friends stop by our apartment and caress my cheeks. I sat there and asked that they rub my left cheek ; an old “Firing Line “ was on channel 2 and Don Rickles was the guest. TV Guide noted that Rickles had the cleanest shave in Hollywood and Vegas. In fact much of his act was created as he lathered his face and took the straight edge to that Yiddish jaw.

“Oh hello Frank I’m available to lick stamps tomorrow afternoon. And, why Frank you look like you’re ready for chain gang duty with that sear sucker suit . Oh I forgot, you just got released. Someone get him some clean clothes. “ ( The chin is the hardest part to shave evenly)

“Well what do you know, look who’s sitting right down there!” ( Gotta puff out those cheeks for the razor blade) “Frankie Valley is here and … Frankie duck! You are walking under the chandeliers.” ( Gotta get the upper lip clear of all whiskers.)”

Rickles could shave with the best of them. It was rumored that he taught Richard Nixon how to shave. “ I told make- up that you needed a shave before that first debate. But will a Quaker listen to a Jew?”

But Mayor Koch could have taught Rickles a thing or two about shaving .

You see back in the 1970’s when OPEC had established a boycott of US oil imports, the country was in a serious and desperate state. Mr. Mayor appeared on TV to discuss ways to curtail our energy uses.

“ I don’t let the hot water run continuously as I shave, Instead I fill the sink with hot water and dip and clean my razor as I shave. This will save on the cost to heat water.”

I was astounded. I had never thought about filling the sink and cleaning the razor in the pond-ed water. By doing so my razors kept their sharp edge and achieved – on a daily basis- professional and precise removal of unwanted beard stubs.

And thanks to the Mayor I perform the closet shave in history. Or as Rickles would say: “ Ed, you are clean shaven but for heaven’s sake put some talcum power on that noggin.”